(i am a dirty old man) to mysuprise, she agreed to stay with me. all of her belongings were in her car. i gave her directions to my apartment.it felt like my fantasy was coming true. maybe she didnt like me that way though. i would have to play it cool.later, at my apartment...she was still kinda sad so i suggested we find some sort of comedy to watch. i offered her some wine and she accepted and i had a beer. after a couple of hours we were both buzzed and she looked so freakin' hot. i wanted to kiss her, but she just went through a breakup. play it cool! (i told myself)you can have my room paula, i can sleep on the couch. she smiled at me. "are you sure?", she asked. (well i wantedto sleep with her of course but...) "yes, of course!", i lied. (i mean replied)maybe it was the wine, but she kissed me! (omg! my dreams are coming true!) she must have had some flavored lip gloss because her lips tasted like citrus. we made out for a few minutes and she whispered in my ear, "let's go. Becky's mother felt a jolt like an electric shock and she shuddered."Oh Holy Mother deliver me from this evil" she sighed and ran to retrieve the rosary from her bedside table.They weren't thoughts; they had no language with them they were concepts, enigmas without clear definition. Was her religion, the church, a shell that she pulled around herself to shield out the iniquity of a sinful hedonistic world; because if it was she had to leave part of herself outside—the needy physical part. Or was it a lamp unto her feet that guided her through the spiritual wasteland and kept her from succumbing to her ungodly desires. She preferred the later. At least in that conceptualization she was whole; the former left her fragmented, at odds with herself. The enigmas tumbled over one another deep in her subconscious, only surfacing in unguarded moments.The trouble was there seemed to be so many more unguarded moments since Don's passing. It had been easy to screen out the troubling questions.
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